Behind Every Sane Mom is a Strong Coffee — Motherish Childish

What Coffee means to the sanity of a supermom? And how her kids see her pre-coffee…

 

MOTHERISH:

“Good Morning Sunshine! Wake up, time for your Oolong tea. I will iron your clothes while you shower”, says his wife…dreams husband. The 6 a.m. alarm blares in his ears and he shakes his wife awake, “Mom, the kids need to go to school…remember?” The wife gives the usual response. She wiggles her toes and pulls her blanket over her face thinking, “Does he know that right now he feels like he is the sunlight to a vampire.” She sleeps for 15 more minutes till her alarm softly chimes. When she is angrily kicking the blanket off, “What’s the time?” he asks.

“Really? You want me to chat with you right now, buddy?” she grumbles in her head.

This is our morning routine. I literally wear a nightshirt that reads, “I don’t do mornings”. Another that says, “Sorry for what I said before I had my Coffee”. I also carry a mug around in my office that says, “Be Calm and Drink Coffee”. Once a friend of mine took a marker and scratched the ‘Coffee’ off, “Be Calm and Drink”…now that sounds better if it’s 7 p.m.

I do not like to deal with anyone before I have read the news with a nice cup of coffee. I do not talk, I do not work, I do not walk. When we are on vacation, my husband makes sure the Marriott has a Starbucks in the lobby. Worst case, there is one within a mile. Add “I do not vacation” to the list.

Last but not the least, I see my boys, the father and 2 boys scampering around like little mice avoiding me like the walking dead. 15 minutes later, I am human….superhuman actually….I get the kids ready, pack lunches, drop to school, drive to work…..and then…crash. Time for the 2nd cup of java before the morning people show up.

There was a time when my husband and I worked in the same office and we drove together. His sunshiny eyes sparkled and he laughed and talked, while I almost felt like dumping my hot coffee on his lap. I should probably wear another sign around my neck saying, “Morning persons, stay away”.

Sometimes I really wonder how I gave up on caffeine when I was pregnant. That could be why pregnant women are grumpy most of the time.

On my birthday, my boys brought breakfast and coffee to bed. I gush and hug them…. and secretly sneak away with the coffee mug to go fix it. I have been called a coffee snob. I am very particular on how my coffee tastes. I am sorry, I know that’s mean but we don’t want to mess with our sanity now, do we? Coz behind every sane mom is a strong coffee.

 

CHILDISH:

Friday 6:25 A.M.

It is 6:25 A.M., the mom-ster wakes up at 6:30 A.M., Right now all we can do is wait, the mom-ster always wakes up in time for some unknown reason, her only cure is that huuuuge cup of coffee that she drinks. But for now I must wait, she is about to wake up in 2 minutes. Agent 2 (My brother) comes out of his room and runs to his position, behind the couch. All of a sudden the alarm goes off……silence. Then Agent 3 (My dad) dashes out of the room as fast as he can. That’s when she slowly stumbles out. However Agent 2 all of a sudden pops out of his position…. he does this every time. He never learns, does he? He is heading out within target distance of the mom-ster’s remote weapon asking for his breakfast. I try getting Agent 2’s attention but he doesn’t care. She says something that sounds like, “Grumble, rumble, gurgle, roar”. My brother screams because of her zombie like voice and runs for dear life. I gather up some courage and crawl very slowly to my destination: ”The stairs” heading towards my X-Box. But then she spots me….. my heart stops…. “Grumble, rumble, gurgle, roar”. I think she means, “Did you brush your teeth? Did you change your underwear? Did you drink your milk?”

She is starting to look motherish again….the coffee is starting to work. Maybe I can sneak away for a few minutes of X-Box after getting dressed.

 

 

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