Guess What?

Satisfaction

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There’s so much to love, so much to hate,

The satisfaction from beaches, scorching sunshine and Coke….. guess the State?

 

LOL

Edible

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Neil – Is there anything edible in here? I’m bored and can’t go near the fridge, mom is writing this blog on healthy eating.

Avi – Yep you don’t wanna get caught…just eat some popcorn that’s under the couch.

Neil – The roaches have got to that.

Avi – How about the muffin behind the TV?

Neil – Nah..the rat stole it.

Avi – Eat my chocolate cake.

Neil – You do know there are ants in that, right? What else can I do?

Avi – You can do one thing…. call pest control.

Neil – That’s it, I’m going to steal something from fridge. If I get caught I’ll say I’m helping finish all the junk food before we start our healthy eating program.

 

 

I don’t wanna grow up

Tailor

If you want to feel good on a lousy day, pull up an old album with pictures from when you looked like you were choking on a bone while wearing your grandma’s drapes. “Wow didn’t I turn into a butterfly!” you think….see it works every time. Better yet, look at your siblings and then get them on the phone to make fun of how dorky they looked back then.

Thanks to a 10/10 tailor shop called “Perfact Darzi” (Perfect Tailor) owned by a 100 year old guy, we wore dresses that lasted 10 years. At the awkward age of 11 when store bought frocks stopped fitting, my mother started insisting I should wear tailor-made dresses. “But I don’t wanna grow up” I scream. She dragged me to Parfact Darzi anyway.

Now for the nightmare. Time for the fitting. The tailor brought his tape and asked me to stand straight with my arms raised. I cursed him in my mind. There were 10 other people gawking at me from the shop front. He hastily read out some measures to his assistant. He was not supposed to touch me so the inches he read were off by 2. The skirt was 4 inches below the knee. “I want it shorter” I yell. “No baby girl, good girls must wear this long” he calmly retorts. The cloth that was turning into my dress was a piece of 100 yard wallpaper print fabric that is going to be shared by all my siblings and cousins. And it gets better- we will take a family photograph that I will look at after 20 years and get a good laugh.

Hey at least the 2 inches plus on the bust line was flattering for the benefit of the audience at the tailor shop.

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LOL

Pluck

Pluck out the best and share what your t-shirt says…..

strip3

 

Are We There Yet?

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via Passenger

Here’s another story on a road trip written by my 10-year old and me….

Motherish:

“Get outta here…” “I hate you…” “Are we there yet?”… “I’m hungry….” I’m sleepy”… “noooooo, I’m nooooooooottttttt whiiiiiiining”…

“SHUT UP”

Sound familiar? Of course it does, to all of you who had kids as passengers on a road trip or a long flight. I love to travel, or rather I used to….sitting idly in a plane, on a 36 hour flight across the globe, being served food, reading with your feet tucked in, on your seat, with super-tight wiggle room. Well, all that’s a dream now. Picture a frazzled mom with 2 boys in tow, everybody looking at you like you were the walking dead. Or constantly looking for the road signs for the next gas station because Avi does not have to pee when Neil does, and Avi has to pee when the next rest area is not for 42 miles. Avi likes Chick-fil-A while Neil only likes pizza. Dad likes neither of course. And mom lives only on coffee.

“Are we there yet?”

“No, Neil, we are going to be driving for 3 more hours. Why don’t you take a nap?”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOK”

“MOOOOOOOOOmmmmm, Avi’s smelly feet are on my faaaaace.”

“Mom, he just farted, eeeewwww.”

Well, we didn’t have to to be told that, because we were already rolling our windows down.”

OMG, what do I feed these kids.

Dad threatens to take their electronics away.

A very peaceful 5 minutes. I try to turn the radio on.

…….“Are we there yet?”

 

Childish:

We look at each other very quietly, It’s the biggest Staredown 2017, it’s in a world records book. One of us is going to fart and whoever did first was losing their “TV Privileges”.

We were all arguing over food options, dad wanted a healthy place, mom just wanted caffeine. I didn’t care and Neil wanted pizza. At one point we went to subway and I had a worse experience than dad’s first time at subway. He wrote a whole story on that. I thought olives were chocolate. Imagine how many I stuffed into my mouth. My mom gave me a stare like medusa and I froze in place, unable to barf the olives out. Then I tried to take a nap, Neil’s feet were always in my face, and every 5 minutes he’d fart and practically make our car a moving barrel with toxic chemicals. Mom wanted coffee which she gets every hour, and I actually tried it and figured out how it keeps her alive. Neil says “Are we there yet” every 5 minutes. When he is not bugging us, he wants chicken and I told him you can’t eat your own kind. That resulted in my face looking like a ball rolled in mud.

So then I gave up and just took a nap……..roadtrips are fun….for us.

 

LOL

via Wheel

Some days I wish all the wheels in my car were flat…..

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